i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
