ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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