Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
