After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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