if you like me you must not know who I am
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
