Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
