He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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