Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize