Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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