We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
