I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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