Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I intend to get homeless drunk
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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