i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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