my vag is so smooth its legendary
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
