Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
