I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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