why im i the only drunk person in the library?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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