you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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