I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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