if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
