Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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