Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
