How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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