I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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