How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
either way he was missing a nipple.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
