Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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