ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
