turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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