I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize