at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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