Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize