the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
