Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
