the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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