Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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