youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
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