FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Too much gin, very little bucket
This house was built for laser tag.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
