Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
