i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
wow bdsm is so cute
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
