I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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