awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
