Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
