If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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