I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
