so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
