So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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