can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
