He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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