I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
