just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
