i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize