well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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