Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
her facebook's as public as her vagina
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
