Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
