I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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