I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
