I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
