maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
