Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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