Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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