youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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