I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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