Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
