i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
