What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
