her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
