I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Who put my cat in the fridge?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
