Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
