i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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