I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
