everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
