If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
