I wanna passion pit in your ass
You can't motorboat a personality
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You can't just leave with hair like that
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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