If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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