I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize